Update

I went to the doctor on Thursday. I made the appointment about three weeks ago just for my annual physical. How ironic that I would actually NEED to see the doctor by the time the appointment came around!

I have to say....that never in my life have I ever been so overwhelmed, exhausted, sad, numb, confused.....I can't even think of enough words. It truly seems that my life has culminated in a tornado of emotions that I don't think I am capable of handling.

I walked into the doctor's office, they took my weight(I lost six pounds) and they took my blood pressure(way high!) and promptly began crying. When the doctor came in, he asked what was going on that had me so out of sorts. I explained to him about my sister dying, my mother on life support, and how I cannot even think about working. I mean, I investigate child abuse for a living....how safe would any child be with me doing the investigating? I can't even get through a grocery store without walking out in tears because I can't remember what I am there for.

Doc was great....he listened, then listened some more, gave me tissues, and promptly decided that I needed a few more weeks off work. He prescribed something for me to sleep, since I haven't really slept in weeks....and told me to call him if I needed anything and promised to see me in two weeks to see how things were.

It didn't help that when I went to check out they told me that my insurance had been cancelled. WTF?!? I have worked for the government for 14 years! Apparently a snafu when I changed jobs in April had never been corrected even though I had been told six months ago that it had. So when I went to the pharmacy to have my script filled and they told me I had NO COVERAGE just about put me over the edge. Several phone calls later, I'm sitting in the parking lot of the pharmacy sobbing. There was nothing to be done until morning since it was after 4:30pm and the insurance company offices were closed. Sigh...it truly does pour when it's raining.

I came home, in a fog....yes...that's a good description....a heavy fog....and made a cup of tension tamer tea and lie down on the couch. It's all I could do.

Yesterday was a better day for my mom. They finally agreed to take the ventilation tube out. She was very awake, and obviously in discomfort from the tube down her throat. The pulminologist feared that she would not be able to cough or breath well enough but we convinced him that she was stronger than he gave her credit for. They took the tube out and she was able to breath on her own. Much better than the conversation on Thursday about a possible DNR order. DNR= Do Not Resusitate(sp??). I knew when my mom blinked yes and no that she was still in there.

After removing the tube, she could communicate and even made a joke or two. God....what a relief. Her brain is still healing, she did make a few statements that made no sense....but overall, mom is still with us. I only hope that when I get down there today she has made even more progress.

Please keep her in your prayers. Thanks.