Well, today is Memorial Day...for those who have come before us and fought for our freedom. And I recognize that our country is grand. And I respect those that do fight for us. And I pause here to remember them. (Though I do think Bush is a power grubbing yahoo that has less than the basic grasp of the English language...but I digress)
But the freedom I'm talking about is a personal freedom. Tonight, I smoked my last cigarette. Yep, no more ashtray mouth, no more having to spray body spray on my clothes and hair to hide the smell. No more sneaking out in the afternoon with the rest of the smokers and hiding behind the gov't. building to have a smoke.
Nope...I declare it here, in this wide open forum. Where the whole world will know of my goal, where if anyone sees me smoking, they have the right, and my permission to wrestle that cancer stick out of my hand and crush it like a bug. I have my Nicorette gum, the patch, phone numbers of hotlines to help me through. I keep in mind how much money I will save every month, and dream of the fabulous vacations around the world that money will pay for. I look forward to the nervous energy that comes from freshly quitting that will allow me to get the rest of the plants in the ground, and the dirty dishes in my sink clean!
The time has come!!
I quit.
Now, who's got the cheetos?
Monday, May 29, 2006
The heat, sabbatical, and other musings
Oh my god. Only in Michigan can you go from frost to torrential rains, to desert in the span of two weeks. Normally, the planting season in Michigan starts May 15th. My grandmother always said that you should be safe planting after that date....but not this year. The week after May 15th we had two nights of temperatures down in the low thirties. And after that, ten days of constant rain. So finally! It's nice enough to plant the two plus flats of flowers, herbs, and vegetables and now the weather is in the nineties.
Yesterday, I woke up early, and decided to put everything in the ground, but by ten in the morning it was too damn hot! Not to mention mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas trying to eat me alive. I did manage to plant a new bed of flowers and herbs, and re-prep the veggie plots since the two weeks of rain had them overgrown again with weeds. I don't think this will be a successful gardening year. Everything just feels "off".
Today it's supposed to be 92 degrees. So I trucked my behind out to the garage and hauled in the two A/C window units. Since my house is so small, it's not economical to get central air. Yeah, right....when my back goes out from hauling those fuckers in, I'm sure I'll change my mind.
The poor dogs...yesterday it was so hot outside and even inside it was 85 degrees. I had to get an icepack for Nala, she was panting sooooo hard. I thought she would be sick from all the heaving her poor body was doing. But finally, after the temp. dropped, and the house cooled off, she felt better.
A man asked me the other day if I was seeing anyone. Hmmm...the answer was easy, No. And when he asked why...I could honestly tell him that I was taking a sabbatical. Since my conversation with my friend Marie a few months ago, I haven't had any desire to get into anything remotely resembling a relationship. I fear making the same mistakes that I've made in the past. And when I do take the time to wonder about the choices I've made, the mistakes that have hurt me, I wonder (and honestly, worry) if I will ever get to the point where a relationship is right. And when(and if) I get there, will it be too late? I'm not over the hill, but am quickly approaching the summit.
My mother asked me the other day if I was still going to go to my step-niece's wedding. Um....yeah....don't think so. But I will send a gift. She and her fiance' recently bought a house and have been spending a lot of time remodeling before they get married. I think a gift card from Home Depot or Lowes would be nice. I do not for one minute regret what I did. However, I do think my actions will have deep repercussions within the family. We'll see.
I'm off to the folks for a barbecue....have a great day!
Yesterday, I woke up early, and decided to put everything in the ground, but by ten in the morning it was too damn hot! Not to mention mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas trying to eat me alive. I did manage to plant a new bed of flowers and herbs, and re-prep the veggie plots since the two weeks of rain had them overgrown again with weeds. I don't think this will be a successful gardening year. Everything just feels "off".
Today it's supposed to be 92 degrees. So I trucked my behind out to the garage and hauled in the two A/C window units. Since my house is so small, it's not economical to get central air. Yeah, right....when my back goes out from hauling those fuckers in, I'm sure I'll change my mind.
The poor dogs...yesterday it was so hot outside and even inside it was 85 degrees. I had to get an icepack for Nala, she was panting sooooo hard. I thought she would be sick from all the heaving her poor body was doing. But finally, after the temp. dropped, and the house cooled off, she felt better.
A man asked me the other day if I was seeing anyone. Hmmm...the answer was easy, No. And when he asked why...I could honestly tell him that I was taking a sabbatical. Since my conversation with my friend Marie a few months ago, I haven't had any desire to get into anything remotely resembling a relationship. I fear making the same mistakes that I've made in the past. And when I do take the time to wonder about the choices I've made, the mistakes that have hurt me, I wonder (and honestly, worry) if I will ever get to the point where a relationship is right. And when(and if) I get there, will it be too late? I'm not over the hill, but am quickly approaching the summit.
My mother asked me the other day if I was still going to go to my step-niece's wedding. Um....yeah....don't think so. But I will send a gift. She and her fiance' recently bought a house and have been spending a lot of time remodeling before they get married. I think a gift card from Home Depot or Lowes would be nice. I do not for one minute regret what I did. However, I do think my actions will have deep repercussions within the family. We'll see.
I'm off to the folks for a barbecue....have a great day!
Friday, May 26, 2006
Sisters...Part deux
I received a call this morning from my mother. Julie came by and paid Amy every penny she stole from her.
I'm thinking my wedding invitation has been revoked.
Have a great holiday weekend!
I'm thinking my wedding invitation has been revoked.
Have a great holiday weekend!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Sisters
There are times that I wished I was an only child.
I have two sisters, who are quite a few years older than me. I like to say I was a surprise for my folks.
My oldest sister, Julie, is bi-polar and I believe she suffers from a borderline personality disorder as well. Growing up with Julie was troubling to say the least. She used to self medicate(still does if you want to know the truth) and is a "recovering" cocaine addict. She left home at fourteen after having a fight with my dad. She let the air out of my other sister's bike tires and when my dad told her to take the bike to the gas station and fill them, she told him to fuck off. He smacked her. She left and never came home. Of course, she lived with my grandmother after that, but still....she ran away. And my dad wasn't abusive. This was the seventies, and rarely did he even spank us.
She got pregnant and had her first baby at sixteen. She married the guy, and by the time she was eighteen, she divorced him. Trust me, he was no prize. At twenty-two, she was pregnant again, by another guy. He was no prize either, but at least he was smart enough not to marry her. At twenty-five, she married another man that had two boys of his own, so along with her two girls, they were a beautiful family. And once again, eight months later, after she broke his nose, and he broke hers(to get her back) they divorced. And all the time, she was abusive to the girls. I was only eight when my oldest niece was born. But by the age of ten, I was babysitting full time. She would call, ask my mom if I could spend the night and when I got there, leave, saying she would only be gone for an hour. She would finally drag herself in the next day. And if I didn't have the house spotless, she would take her wrath out on me. The instances of my stepping in to stop her from hitting my niece are infinite. She broke a hairbrush hitting my niece in the head. The sad part...Children's protective services didn't take calls from kids back then. They would never listen to me.
When she was twenty-eight, she married husband number three. Now he was a great guy. My family warned him to run the other way, but he didn't believe us. He didn't believe that she was a liar, a thief, a drug addict, and crazy. See, she could fake it really well for a while. Five years, and two more kids later, they divorced. After the divorced, he told me he wished he had listened to us. By this time, she was a full blown coke head. She worked for a major energy company and made big bucks.
Five years ago, she married husband number four. A man we later found out that she fucked around with throughout all of her marriages. He's now a bigwig in the aforementioned energy company. Her kids are all grown, all moved out on their own. And still, she tries to control everyone. She no longer works for the energy company. She filed a sexual harrassment law suit against her boss and to make it(and her) go away, they settled for a cool $750,000. I truly don't believe that she was sexually harrassed. I think her drug addiction made her do things for either overtime, money, or time off, and he threatened to fire her. She had to take a medical retirement. She now collects social security.
So....to recap....and I know this is confusing and hard to follow, but I do have a point, and I will get to it...She's fucked around on all of her husbands, abused her kids, stolen items and money from friends and family, sued a major company, and made out like a bandit financially. Remember, she married a bigwig who makes bigwig bucks.
And let's not forget all of the cosmetic surgery my sister has had. Yeah, that's her newest addiction, in addition to the vicodin she buys off the street. Let's see....two nose jobs, two boob jobs, she's had her chin done, her back lipo'd, two tummy tucks, her arm fat lipo'd, botox, and a scar on her forehead rhinoplasty'd.
So why, why, WHY, did she have to steal my other sister's measly eight grand in February? My other sister who really is disabled and lives on five hundred bucks a month, who got screwed in her divorce settlement after 25 years of marriage and had to move in with my parents because she doesn't even have enough income to afford a house?
Julie's excuse? She took the money to pay for my niece Isabel's funeral. How sad....and we could forgive her for this. If it were true. According to the bank records, she withdrew the money three weeks before Isabel was even born. There were no hints that Isabel was in trouble and would die three hours after her birth, three months premature. Where do I think the money went? I think it went for her latest boob job/liposuction/tummy tuck. I think she lied to her rich husband about the cost of the surgeries and supplemented her own cash with Amy's.
And now...now she won't pay her back. She promised to pay her by Tuesday(this week) and the money still isn't there.
So...tonight, I called her and told her that if she doesn't pay Amy her money by 6/3, the date of her stepdaughter's wedding, I'm going to make a big announcement at the reception and tell her husband and his whole family what a fake, phony, lying thief she is. And tell them how she used poor little Isabel's death as an excuse.
Now, I think that the threat alone is enough to get her to pay. Really. She's all about appearances. When you first meet her, you think she is the nicest, sweetest person ever. But underneath the sheep's clothing lies a vicious, carnivorous wolf. To think that her husband's family would know the true depths of her depravity would just drive her more insane.
We'll see.
I have two sisters, who are quite a few years older than me. I like to say I was a surprise for my folks.
My oldest sister, Julie, is bi-polar and I believe she suffers from a borderline personality disorder as well. Growing up with Julie was troubling to say the least. She used to self medicate(still does if you want to know the truth) and is a "recovering" cocaine addict. She left home at fourteen after having a fight with my dad. She let the air out of my other sister's bike tires and when my dad told her to take the bike to the gas station and fill them, she told him to fuck off. He smacked her. She left and never came home. Of course, she lived with my grandmother after that, but still....she ran away. And my dad wasn't abusive. This was the seventies, and rarely did he even spank us.
She got pregnant and had her first baby at sixteen. She married the guy, and by the time she was eighteen, she divorced him. Trust me, he was no prize. At twenty-two, she was pregnant again, by another guy. He was no prize either, but at least he was smart enough not to marry her. At twenty-five, she married another man that had two boys of his own, so along with her two girls, they were a beautiful family. And once again, eight months later, after she broke his nose, and he broke hers(to get her back) they divorced. And all the time, she was abusive to the girls. I was only eight when my oldest niece was born. But by the age of ten, I was babysitting full time. She would call, ask my mom if I could spend the night and when I got there, leave, saying she would only be gone for an hour. She would finally drag herself in the next day. And if I didn't have the house spotless, she would take her wrath out on me. The instances of my stepping in to stop her from hitting my niece are infinite. She broke a hairbrush hitting my niece in the head. The sad part...Children's protective services didn't take calls from kids back then. They would never listen to me.
When she was twenty-eight, she married husband number three. Now he was a great guy. My family warned him to run the other way, but he didn't believe us. He didn't believe that she was a liar, a thief, a drug addict, and crazy. See, she could fake it really well for a while. Five years, and two more kids later, they divorced. After the divorced, he told me he wished he had listened to us. By this time, she was a full blown coke head. She worked for a major energy company and made big bucks.
Five years ago, she married husband number four. A man we later found out that she fucked around with throughout all of her marriages. He's now a bigwig in the aforementioned energy company. Her kids are all grown, all moved out on their own. And still, she tries to control everyone. She no longer works for the energy company. She filed a sexual harrassment law suit against her boss and to make it(and her) go away, they settled for a cool $750,000. I truly don't believe that she was sexually harrassed. I think her drug addiction made her do things for either overtime, money, or time off, and he threatened to fire her. She had to take a medical retirement. She now collects social security.
So....to recap....and I know this is confusing and hard to follow, but I do have a point, and I will get to it...She's fucked around on all of her husbands, abused her kids, stolen items and money from friends and family, sued a major company, and made out like a bandit financially. Remember, she married a bigwig who makes bigwig bucks.
And let's not forget all of the cosmetic surgery my sister has had. Yeah, that's her newest addiction, in addition to the vicodin she buys off the street. Let's see....two nose jobs, two boob jobs, she's had her chin done, her back lipo'd, two tummy tucks, her arm fat lipo'd, botox, and a scar on her forehead rhinoplasty'd.
So why, why, WHY, did she have to steal my other sister's measly eight grand in February? My other sister who really is disabled and lives on five hundred bucks a month, who got screwed in her divorce settlement after 25 years of marriage and had to move in with my parents because she doesn't even have enough income to afford a house?
Julie's excuse? She took the money to pay for my niece Isabel's funeral. How sad....and we could forgive her for this. If it were true. According to the bank records, she withdrew the money three weeks before Isabel was even born. There were no hints that Isabel was in trouble and would die three hours after her birth, three months premature. Where do I think the money went? I think it went for her latest boob job/liposuction/tummy tuck. I think she lied to her rich husband about the cost of the surgeries and supplemented her own cash with Amy's.
And now...now she won't pay her back. She promised to pay her by Tuesday(this week) and the money still isn't there.
So...tonight, I called her and told her that if she doesn't pay Amy her money by 6/3, the date of her stepdaughter's wedding, I'm going to make a big announcement at the reception and tell her husband and his whole family what a fake, phony, lying thief she is. And tell them how she used poor little Isabel's death as an excuse.
Now, I think that the threat alone is enough to get her to pay. Really. She's all about appearances. When you first meet her, you think she is the nicest, sweetest person ever. But underneath the sheep's clothing lies a vicious, carnivorous wolf. To think that her husband's family would know the true depths of her depravity would just drive her more insane.
We'll see.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Ugh
Today's the first day of my testimony in the murder trial. Preliminary Exam...to see if there is enough evidence to go forward with the trial.
Damn. Guess I have to wear a suit to look all professional-like.
Damn. Guess I have to wear a suit to look all professional-like.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
New Bras
Last night I dreamt that I bought a new bra.
This morning I looked for it.
I was pissed when I couldn't find it.
Damn.
This morning I looked for it.
I was pissed when I couldn't find it.
Damn.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day.
Holy crap. What is this....day six or seven of rainy days? And as I type, a small break in the clouds....a peak of sun! How long will it last? Will it dry up the grass so that I can mow? It's a foot high because of all the rain and it's driving me nuts.
In the back-back yard(long story) there is a bunny hole filled with baby bunnies. The dogs found it about two weeks ago and Madchen ate one of the baby bunnies before I could stop her. I put the other ones back and forbade the damn dogs from going back there in hopes that the momma bunny would come back to take care of the rest of them. The vet said she would. I hope he was right. I certainly don't relish the idea of going to check on them and finding a hole full of dead babies. And of course, with all the rain, I worry about them.
I'm home from work today, and stayed home yesterday as well. I called in sick. I told them I had the flu, but the truth is I apparently have emotional flu. I just can't go in. The work has been overwhelming for the past few weeks. I have a case where the mother may spend the rest of her life in prison based on my testimony in her murder trial. It's bad enough that the kids witnessed the murder, but now it's up to me to put the mother away forever. The only surviving parent. That's a huge emotional burden and it's weighing on me. And it also doesn't help that a couple filed a complaint against me with the governor's office. Of course, my administration backs me 100%, but it's still annoying. Fuckers.
Ahhhh, the sun is shining in the window right now...warming my heart.
On Mother's Day, I went to see my folks and I took my mom some cookies and a card. Every year I buy her a funny card, because we are funny people(in my head, at least) but this year I bought her a sappy card. The sentiments were correct, I do think she is the best mom ever, but I bought the card because I was standing there perusing the cards, doing the pee-pee dance. I just couldn't stand there another minute so I grabbed the next card I could find that was mildly appropriate and sprinted for the checkout. I didn't have the heart to tell my mom the truth. Does that make me a bad daughter??
Our usual MD's tradition is to take my mom to the greenhouse and buy her flats of flowers and help her plant them. This year, there were too many people over after dinner and my mom didn't want to be rude. But I didn't mind, and left with my niece, Paityn(4), and went along without her. Paityn and I picked out flowers for my new flower bed, a few veggie plants, and a few herbs for the herb garden. I let her pick out a few 4-packs of flowers for her mom for Mother's Day. She was so funny. Every aisle she would come across a blossom that fell off of a plant. She would pick it up and tell me we had to buy that kind because the blossoms were so soft. After a few aisles I caught her picking the blossoms off the plants. I told her to stop picking the flowers and she looked me right in the eye and said, "I'm not, really, it just fell off when I touched it". Spoken like a true future defendant. :o)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Wow....
It's been 11 days since my last post. And not for any reason other than....I haven't had anything to say.
I didn't get to go to the Kentucky Derby....I was bummed. Five regular dog watchers and not one of them were available. And it would have been too much to kennel two big dogs and go away for the weekend. So....I stayed home. I did have a productive weekend though. I mowed the whole frickin' 1/4 acre, prepped a new garden bed, moved some plants around. And read a really good book. With no interruptions because everyone thought I was gone. Love that!
And this week at work has been super busy. I've received five new cases in the past four days. The first one on Monday...a mother stabbed her long time lover(and father to her four children) to death. Heartbreaking.
It's past my bedtime....so I will try to write more tomorrow.
Mother's day is this Sunday. It's tradition that I take my mom to the greenhouse and buy her flats of flowers to plant. Then I help her plant them...I actually look forward to this every year. She really is a great mom...I think my next post will be about her.
I didn't get to go to the Kentucky Derby....I was bummed. Five regular dog watchers and not one of them were available. And it would have been too much to kennel two big dogs and go away for the weekend. So....I stayed home. I did have a productive weekend though. I mowed the whole frickin' 1/4 acre, prepped a new garden bed, moved some plants around. And read a really good book. With no interruptions because everyone thought I was gone. Love that!
And this week at work has been super busy. I've received five new cases in the past four days. The first one on Monday...a mother stabbed her long time lover(and father to her four children) to death. Heartbreaking.
It's past my bedtime....so I will try to write more tomorrow.
Mother's day is this Sunday. It's tradition that I take my mom to the greenhouse and buy her flats of flowers to plant. Then I help her plant them...I actually look forward to this every year. She really is a great mom...I think my next post will be about her.
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