I met a young girl today in the hospital...seventeen, beautiful, intelligent....and a drug addict. She has a loving family that wants her home. In a small northern town, they've looked for her, and they wait for her.
She lives in Detroit now with her crackhead pimp of a boyfriend. And that's where she wants to be. She says the life she has there is fun and exciting...and she refuses to change. She likes her life, even though it's her lifestyle that brought her to the hospital. No, she didn't overdose, she didn't get abused by her boyfriend....she has cellulitis in her eye...and she may lose it. Ironically, she popped a zit on her eyebrow and because the crackhouse that she sells drugs from is so dirty, she now may lose her eye.
She was quite pleasant to speak with. Before she dropped out of high school she had a 4.0 grade point average...she's not dumb. She's beautiful, you would expect to find her on the cheerleading squad instead of selling crack in an abandoned house. She was very matter of fact about her life, and no matter what argument I had to try and persuade her to go home, or go to rehab...she had a perfectly good counter argument.
According to her, she makes $200 a day, and every other week drives a different luxury stolen vehicle. She told me she could get me a lovely black jaguar for $500. Ahhh....what an offer. But my brain isn't wired to break the rules. I turned her down.
She looks just like my eleven year old niece, Emily. Curly copper red hair, big brown eyes, heart shaped face.
She talked about her twenty-four year old sister who is a crackwhore...selling her body for twenty bucks a pop, for a rock of crack, all day every day. She's seven months pregnant. I asked her what she thought would happen to the baby, and she answered that she was sure that we would take the baby at birth....she didn't even think of the damage already done to that baby, and how it will never have a normal life due to the drugs already coursing through it's system. To her, her sister is the bottom of the food chain...only the worst sell their bodies, and she feels she has more self-esteem for that. My response? For now...there will come a day, and soon, when her crackhead pimp of a boyfriend will want more drugs, more money, and then she will be a commodity to be traded on the streets. She didn't reply.
I asked her if anyone had ever sexually abused her...thinking that perhaps someone in her past damaged her psyche...because she is clearly a sociopath. Her reply was to tell me that not too long ago she had been gang raped at one of the crackhouses...I think she left something out, but have no way of making her tell me.
All I could do is try to connect with her and ask her to keep in touch with me, to call once in a while to let me know she's ok. I asked her to call if she ever needed help, and she replied, I'll call to let you know I'm ok, but I'll never call you for help.
I sat in my truck and cried for a good long while...feeling so sad, that this beautiful, young woman...was probably not going to make it to twenty-five. And I was helpless to change her path.
Some days...my job sucks.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Alcoholism
sigh....Earlier this month I went up north to visit my old college roommate and her daughter, my Goddaughter. They moved up north a year ago because "Sheri" had a drinking problem and lost her house, her car, her job. She hid all of that from me, even though I have been her friend for a thousand years and have always been there for her.
Why she hid it, I'll never know...maybe out of shame, or afraid I would judge her....who knows...but she hid it, and only recently shared it with me.
About a month ago she invited me up north for my Goddaughter's birthday party, it was supposed to be a surprise party. It was so great to see Sheri and my Goddaughter! They looked great, and things seemed to be going very well for them. Sheri admitted to having a few minor relapses and currently being on probation for drunk driving. She indicated that things were much better now and she felt stronger. However....just because the water's calm, doesn't mean there aren't any sharks down below.
An hour into the party, Sheri's sister confronts me and asks what Sheri's drinking...I pick up her cup, smell it, and offer back~Diet Pepsi...How naive was I not to notice the liquor bottles she snuck into my car when we stopped at the store for last minute hamburger buns...three bottles of cheap vodka, the first bottle already gone and the second one half gone by the time we realized she was drinking. So smooth....so slick...I never even noticed that my long time friend was wasted. I never even thought twice when she told me that up north no one had to lock their car doors...otherwise, how would she sneak back out to the car for a nip or guzzle without anyone being the wiser??
Later, after two bottles(a fifth and a pint), some very embarrassing dance moves on the dance floor with a seventeen year old boy, and a bag of jolly ranchers(to hide the smell)....the party moved outside where we searched the snow for thirty minutes for my car keys that she couldn't find. Of course, she argued first for five minutes that the keys she jammed into my ignition were mine...and even after pressing the panic button and the truck alarm next to mine going off, she still insisted that the keys were mine. Alas...we found the keys in her pants pocket. My Goddaughter yelled at me for "letting her mother drink"...and then appeared very unmoved by the whole situation. Sheri, well, she just slept the whole way home, then disappeared into the house to pass out. That night, her sister filled me in on the real story. Thousands of dollars later, a new septic field, (after Sheri got drunk and passed out one night and leaving the water running), losing their two dogs, and numerous mysteriously empty mouthwash bottles~~Sheri was a full blown alcoholic, and didn't appear to be in any hurry to stop. No amount of rehab, legal problems, or problems with her daughter was enough to convince her to stop.
I left the next morning, very sad that the woman I had been friends with for so many years, seemed to have disappeared. She wasn't home when I left, so I left her a note, telling her I loved her and my Goddaughter, but didn't want to be a part of destroying herself and her family. I encouraged her, in the letter, to get real help, before it was too late, that I would support her. I haven't heard from her since.
Today is her birthday. She is thirty-seven today. I sent her a card, but doubt I will hear from her. And this makes me very sad. And I know I can't help her....just offering her my love and support is all I can do. It never feels like enough. I know how I feel in my shoes...but can't figure out how she feels in hers. It also makes me very sad, knowing what she was like fifteen years ago...extremely intelligent, funny, caring, gregarious....She really seemed to have her shit together....
The upside to all this....I really appreciate everything I have done and accomplished...and knowing how close we used to be...how similar....I must have taken a different path....and am very grateful that I did.
Why she hid it, I'll never know...maybe out of shame, or afraid I would judge her....who knows...but she hid it, and only recently shared it with me.
About a month ago she invited me up north for my Goddaughter's birthday party, it was supposed to be a surprise party. It was so great to see Sheri and my Goddaughter! They looked great, and things seemed to be going very well for them. Sheri admitted to having a few minor relapses and currently being on probation for drunk driving. She indicated that things were much better now and she felt stronger. However....just because the water's calm, doesn't mean there aren't any sharks down below.
An hour into the party, Sheri's sister confronts me and asks what Sheri's drinking...I pick up her cup, smell it, and offer back~Diet Pepsi...How naive was I not to notice the liquor bottles she snuck into my car when we stopped at the store for last minute hamburger buns...three bottles of cheap vodka, the first bottle already gone and the second one half gone by the time we realized she was drinking. So smooth....so slick...I never even noticed that my long time friend was wasted. I never even thought twice when she told me that up north no one had to lock their car doors...otherwise, how would she sneak back out to the car for a nip or guzzle without anyone being the wiser??
Later, after two bottles(a fifth and a pint), some very embarrassing dance moves on the dance floor with a seventeen year old boy, and a bag of jolly ranchers(to hide the smell)....the party moved outside where we searched the snow for thirty minutes for my car keys that she couldn't find. Of course, she argued first for five minutes that the keys she jammed into my ignition were mine...and even after pressing the panic button and the truck alarm next to mine going off, she still insisted that the keys were mine. Alas...we found the keys in her pants pocket. My Goddaughter yelled at me for "letting her mother drink"...and then appeared very unmoved by the whole situation. Sheri, well, she just slept the whole way home, then disappeared into the house to pass out. That night, her sister filled me in on the real story. Thousands of dollars later, a new septic field, (after Sheri got drunk and passed out one night and leaving the water running), losing their two dogs, and numerous mysteriously empty mouthwash bottles~~Sheri was a full blown alcoholic, and didn't appear to be in any hurry to stop. No amount of rehab, legal problems, or problems with her daughter was enough to convince her to stop.
I left the next morning, very sad that the woman I had been friends with for so many years, seemed to have disappeared. She wasn't home when I left, so I left her a note, telling her I loved her and my Goddaughter, but didn't want to be a part of destroying herself and her family. I encouraged her, in the letter, to get real help, before it was too late, that I would support her. I haven't heard from her since.
Today is her birthday. She is thirty-seven today. I sent her a card, but doubt I will hear from her. And this makes me very sad. And I know I can't help her....just offering her my love and support is all I can do. It never feels like enough. I know how I feel in my shoes...but can't figure out how she feels in hers. It also makes me very sad, knowing what she was like fifteen years ago...extremely intelligent, funny, caring, gregarious....She really seemed to have her shit together....
The upside to all this....I really appreciate everything I have done and accomplished...and knowing how close we used to be...how similar....I must have taken a different path....and am very grateful that I did.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Learning Spanish...
I'm trying to learn Spanish....I have begun to see lots more clients come in that are Spanish speaking and I think it would be wise to be able to speak to them in their native tongue. I think I would earn their trust much more quickly if they felt that I understood them more easily. I picked up a few Spanish tapes at my local library...but dang...it's tough...how do you turn your mind off from all the other crap floating around in there when your driving home?? I listen to the tapes in the car...and am picking up phrases slowly...I just wish it was easier. I'm so impressed by people who are bi-lingual or even tri-lingual...they make it look so easy. Perhaps if I just keep plugging away, it will get easier.
First Post....
Ahhh.....My first post in my first blog....egads, man...what did I get myself into? I'm sure it's going to take me a while to figure this out...but in the meantime, if you read my blog, please be nice....I am a blog virgin and not sure where I fit into this great big wide world....Just testing the waters.
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