Bad Voodoo

I'm so lucky. Joe and I get to either speak, Instant Message, or video call almost every day. I don't know that we will be able to keep it up...you never know where his missions will take him in Iraq.

It's so frustrating, trying to rebuild our relationship when he is 7,000 miles away and literally in danger every day. I try to be as supportive as I can be, but sometimes, he sees it as being ignorant or offensive...my words, not his. For example, when we first starting talking again, I would tell him, "Keep all fingers and toes inside the humvee at all times"...a play on the warning one might get just before getting on a carnival ride. It was meant to be a lighthearted way to tell him to be safe....kinda like you might tell an actor going on stage to "break a leg". You don't really WANT them to break a leg, but it's considered bad luck to tell them "good luck". He didn't see it that way....he viewed it as my lack of understanding what they go through every day. I disagreed with him, but agreed to stop saying it.

I am always at a loss when we hang up, or end our online conversations of what to say. I don't want him to worry, or feel there is any pressure from me to come home, or to do anything different. Is it wrong to tell him to be safe when he and I both know, he can't in all honesty tell me that he will. I think he feels to tell me he will be safe would constitute a lie and a failure to keep a promise if the worst were to happen.

It's difficult to have a conversation online and know truly what the other one means. No way to guage inflection, read body language or facial expressions. It's frustrating, and it's hard. I worry about him 24 hours a day.

He was bothered that I was doing google searches on Iraq and the way of life over there for the soldiers. He didn't want me to know how bad things really were. I wish I had listened. During one of my searches, I came across a series done by PBS, called Bad Voodoo's War about a platoon stationed at Camp Virginia. If you really want to know what it's like for them over there....watch this. Have a box of tissue handy. Joe specifically told me not to watch this....he said I worried enough as it is and didn't want me to worry even more. I think this is an ongoing series for PBS, and wait anxiously for more...it's like driving by an accident, you can't look away.

I've been sending care packages, almost every week. One week I sent batman bandaids...because his radio id is Dark Knight. This week I sent glow in the dark silly putty and a batman PEZ dispenser. Of course, I also send him the vacuum sealed packages of tuna, chicken, salmon....he says they taste 100% better than their rations. Raw almonds for more protein and some batman fruit rollups. Even the soldiers need something to make them smile. He never asks for anything...and when he gets the packages, he tells me how perfect they are. I think he loves the babywipes most of all. And the socks.

Joe will have 12 days of leave at the end of September...only part of which he will spend with me. He has a child, and his parents he will go to visit. I understand his obligations...but I know I will be sooooooooooooo sad when he has to say good-bye.